Hi my lovelies! I want to wish you a very very good and in fact wonderfully happy and even exemplary new year!
We flew into Amsterdam this morning. No sleep last night. The scary thing, after trying to bid the van-taxi driver down below his 200-euro fixation, was cruising along the freeway, wife and kids asleep in the back, waiting for the day to start. By 8:15 I was getting worried that the sun wouldn’t rise till late January. But the sky did lighten by about 8:30, and we got to Arnhem by 9:00.
And everything here is just the same as it was five months ago. The house is here, the key was still under the flowerpot, the car woke up once I remembered to depress the clutch while starting it. The next-door neighbor gave me a big hug when I knocked on his door. My friend, the woman down the street, nearly burst into tears when I showed up. Julian’s 8-year-old friend came by, just now, with his mother, to drop off an oversize postcard that read “Welkom T’huis” — Welcome Home. And even the guy at the nearby SPAR store was happy to see me this afternoon — he beamed that sweet openness that you just don’t see in big cities in North America. Not that Arnhem is a big city. And when I left with my bag of groceries, it was of course raining in the grey, soggy streets.
The weather in L.A. was fantastic, but I’ll take the people in Arnhem any day.
I know I’ve been talking about finishing my book ad nauseam. But it really is finished AS OF YESTERDAY!!! I wrote “THE END” at the bottom, a couple of days ago, and I’ve been picking away at edits since then. While Isabel took care of all social and child-related responsibilities, I sat on various friends’ and relatives’ sofas and wrestled with so many meticulous decisions, such as…: Should I refer to the amygdala or just the dorsal striatum in the chapter about Johnny, who nearly drank himself to death before quitting? Should I include “hair on the bathroom floor” — or is that overkill? — and just go with “clumps of hair in her hairbrush” when describing Alice’s descent into anorexia? Should I call the neural network that churns out DESIRE the “motivational core” or the “motivational engine” in this paragraph? Many of these edits were triggered by the thousands of comments/suggestions along the side of the page, from my editors and from Matt Robert and his partner, Cathy, who noticed everything that needed noticing… But I had to ruminate about each one before I was satisfied.
Have I mentioned the parallels between OCD and addiction?
But it’s all done. Edits x 3 throughout most of it, and a final chapter that actually comes to a conclusion, rather than ending with the ubiquitous but lame “……more to come…..”
So I’m high on fatigue — little dreamies sauntering in from the corners while I’m trying to sleep this afternoon — happy to be back here, really glad that the book is done — at least until the page proofs are sent back to me — and not even curious about what I’ll be doing next.
The book will be out in May. And my only request is, simply, BUY IT!
Informed by unparalleled neuroscientific insight and written with his usual flare, Marc Lewis’s The Biology of Desire effectively refutes the medical view of addiction as a brain disease. A bracing and informative corrective to the muddle that now characterizes public and professional discourse on this topic.” —Gabor Maté, M.D., author of In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters With Addiction
Can’t wait for the new book … congrats on finishing it!
Happy New Year to you as well.
I’m looking forward to reading your new book as your last one was excellent. The disease theory of addiction is so out of date, and I feel it holds back real progress in the field.
Best for new year. Welcome back to Europe. I live in Paris for many years. Struggling with no desire, no dopamine, no life, it feels like. Have read and re-read Memoirs. Are synapses sculpted forever by dope? I hope not. Feels like yes. NA doesn’t work, for me.
Comments?
Thank you.
Hi Brett. Paris is great! No dopamine sucks. And 12-step groups don’t work for a lot of people. See if there’s a SMART recovery group nearby. Their approach is very different, includes cognitive and mindfulness components, and it’s free.
The synapses that induce craving remain but lose efficiency over time, especially if you start building alternative networks for goal pursuit. I’m convinced that you need to jack up the engines of desire and then REconnect them to networks that represent other goals, which could include something as simple as self-love, self-care, etc. Or more normative goals like achieving something in your work or relationships. These can become explicit, visceral goals…and they literally change the brain.
You need to have something to head for. If you just remain is a situation of “not having, not getting” then the blues will chase you back to dope.
Hope that little pep talk helps. Feel free to connect by email if there’s anything else I can do.
Hi my lovelies! UAHHH… I didn’t know I was one of your lovelies…hahaha…
Great news on your new book Marc can’t wait to read it.
Congratulations.
Respect Richard
Of course you’re one of my lovelies!
We’re all lovely on the inside! Globs of blood, bile, shit and gristle….and the enduring desire that accompanies…
Lovely ?? Looks in mirror , No way unless include wrinkles and silver hair-adkkkk
Congrats on the finishing with the amygdala dilemma done. ( Id go for amygdala- sounds so romantic ) — I know the feeling of accomplishment
Didnt realize youd been away so long – knowing LA as I do, getting back to Arnheim would be like leaving purgatory .
I cant wait to read this work
BillA
Try to avoid the mirror as much as is possible/reasonable…or learn to respect old age. I seem to be in a particularly cheery mood, with the book done and this river across the road, sparkled by the sun sitting low in the sky. I guess travel is good for the soul. And yes, LA was like purgatory, or more like false advertising. Nice place to visit, but….Thanks for saying Hi.
Hi Marc
Your response to Brett put everything I believe in a nutshell.
Happy New Year.
Carolyn.
Look forward to reading your book in May.
Happy New Year to you, Marc. Love the cover and can’t wait to read the book. Enjoy the “high” while it lasts because you know what comes next… 🙁 Sorry, couldn’t resist. Thanks, Denise
Hi Denise. There are some things we shouldn’t resist — such as good-natured chiding. Yes, I know what comes next: withdrawal symptoms. But so far there is just fatigue, plus disorientation, all of which feels spinny…well endowed with endogenous opioids. I hope the drop will be a gentle one.
Happy new year to you!
I was also thinking of a post partum-type depression that a lot of writers experience after finishing a book.
Is that any different from withdrawal symptoms?
…I think she’s talking about “the groundless striving of the will” Just don’t read any Schopenhauer and you’ll be all right 🙂
My will is presently to watch more TV,
Marc
Congratulations on finishing your book. I cannot wait to read it! I hope ’15 has lots of dopamine increasing experiences for you and everyone else here on MAB.
Peace
Al
Thanks, Al. That’s exactly what I hope–for all of us.
Yay! Just yay :).
Simply congratulations and thank you. As you’ve shared your thoughts on this blog, I’ve found my understanding of addiction has grown. This has made me more hopeful, and more effective, as I work to help others. Your writing, and this lively, respectful, courageously honest community you’ve fostered online, are a blessing to me.
Thanks, Fred. But I’m the lucky one. I just sent in the “dedication” for the book, and you know who it featured? — you guys.
Awww… (blushing) 🙂
Great title, great subtitle, great cover.
I’d say great book but I guess I’d better read it first. Gimme!
He’s also a great first cousin.
Are you a TO person? When I contacted Marc to complement him on his 1st book we discovered that we were born one day apart in neighboring hospitals an went to the same high school at different times.
Strange, true and absolutey trivial.
You call being born trivial?
That’s my playmate from age two. Hi Nancy! Fancy (Nancy) meeting you here. Shanah Tovah!
Thoroughly enjoyed your last book. Congrats on the completion of the new one! Looking forward to the read. All the best for the new year.
Congrats!
Hi Marc,
I can’t wait to read your new book. I read your first one after seeing it lying on top of a classmate’s handbag and asking him if I could borrow it. We were both doing a certificate in fitness and health, he happens to be a former addictions nurse, now a buddhist monk, and I’m a counsellor/nutritionist – both of, us struggled in the past and still struggle with the emotional desires that seem to only be quenched by substance use… I loved how your book combined science and your life story, fantastic read! Congrats on finishing the new one, and the cover and title are amazing.
What bugs me the most is that, as a counsellor/coach, I seem to be able to help so many people in their journey involving some sort of addiction, but am so clueless when it comes to being free from my own. I seem to go through periods of incredible clarity and determination, then (usually after a period of higher than normal stress) catch myself stuck again using a variety of things – in order coffee, sugar, cigarettes, alcohol, pot if available – just function at a normal level.
I wonder if there is a way to be free from this rollercoaster, feeling a bit tired and stuck.
Thanks for your books, any input greatly appreciated 🙂
Drica
HI Drica. It’s great to hear from you, and I wonder if I know the Buddhist monk you refer to. Anyway, I know exactly what you mean. I come across as the guru on this blog, but I still have to work at it. I haven’t fallen anywhere close to the depravity I lived with in my twenties, but still…there are always substances that take the edge off. At the moment I’m pretty happy and peaceful, but life can easily take a nosedive when you least expect it, and I have no illusions that there won’t be more struggles ahead.
If you want to talk further, drop me an email. But I resonate with your predicament: helping others when you haven’t quite finished helping yourself.
Thanks Marc 🙂
Yes, I guess once our weird and wonderful brains get to experience the stress relief provided by external substances (even certain foods), it feels impossible to unlearn this shortcut…Would love to chat further, will send you an email!
Today has been a good day of mental notes with the word NO written on them, all day. So far so good. Thanks again!
Ah yes, OCD and addiction. Gregory Bateson described addiction as a behavior pattern that creates a need instead of satisfying one. Combined with the concept of kindling what we get in addiction is binge/intoxication, withdrawal/negative affect, craving/motivation. In OCD we have the compulsive behavior triggering doubt about its efficacy triggering stress triggering anxiety triggering obsessive rumination triggering compulsive behavior. In both the behavior triggers the behavior.
And the snake swallows its tail. You totally get it: I wonder what it is we argue about.
Marc,
Congratulations on the completion of your new book. I am eager to buy a copy. Congratulations also on your return from LA. While it is an entertaining place to visit, it gives new meaning to the old ad age, “There’s no place like home”. At the same time, what a perfect place to expand your perspective on addiction. LA offers mounds of evidence that addiction exists beyond substances most commonly associated with addiction – drugs and alcohol. There is something to be said about us human beings seeking counterfeit versions of that which is inherently fulfilling. LA is rampant with counterfeit pursuits which are unable to genuinely fulfill a person – so no amount can ever be enough – no amount of money, abs, plastic surgery, cars, fans, jewelry, adoration, sex, and so on and so on.
Thank you for the update. I enjoy hearing from you. With all the misguided information that we are perpetually bombarded with, it means a lot – and probably more than you realize – to hear from someone so wise, “home-grown”, and SOLIDLY connected to human truths.
Peace,
Richard
Hey Richard, Thanks for such a lovely and encouraging letter. I get a lot out of this blog, and I’m glad others do too.
As far as LA, you are darn tootin. The SUVs in the school parking lot were so big that I couldn’t see my kids waiting on the sidewalk. I’m talking the Escalade. And one day at lunch, I literally had two facially-modified women at a table next to mine exchange “Oh Wow!”s about each other’s jewlery. One was showing off a gold watch which she proudly exclaimed was worth $40k. Having lived in the Netherlands where people are less ostentatious at the very least, I found this remarkable. Especially as our tables were inches apart.
The oddest thing about LA is that people don’t see it. Whereas most drugs of abuse at least make you aware of what you’re sacrificing to keep going.
Very best,
Marc
Congratulations, Marc.
I think it’s rare among the ‘not a disease’ embattled minority to find a coherent
theory, much less a developmental or dynamic systems one! Bodes well!
Thanks, NN. I really appreciate that. I hope the pudding provides sufficient proof, or at least a new flavour of dessert.
Welcome Home Marc & Family… I agree about LA. My brother lives there and my mother and grandmother did so I’ve have my share of visiting. It’s quite the unique place!
Congratulations on finishing the book, WOW! I look forward to reading it and maybe catching up with you on your book tour! You are taking one, right? Not to mention the many options for media exposure online and elsewhere. I think you have important things to say that people want to hear, even if they don’t know it yet. Do reach out to the New Books Network as I am a big fan of their online podcast interviews. Speaking of which, I was just turned on to Mark Epstein’s work through that vehicle and which I think dovetails nicely with your work, might want to check him out: http://www.psychotherapy.net/interview/epstein-buddhism
But mostly, enjoy the high of finishing while it lasts and maybe coming down from it (slowly) can even be a relief into more “normal” everyday life again. Before the next big project comes over the horizon of course. Be well, have a great winter and 2015.
Thanks, Julia. The coming down is so far so good. I have a lot of reading I’ve wanted to catch up, both fiction and non. I’ve got Anne Fletcher’s book, Inside Rehab, beside me now…I never finished it and I realize I have a lot to learn… which connects to what you say about publicity. I do expect talk and article invitations and I’ve gotten a few already. And yes, a book tour will happen. But I get that I’ll have to be really sharp on what’s out there — what’s working (including mindfulness) and what’s not — in the treatment world. And somehow I am still very intrigued, maybe more than ever, about the strange quilt of theory, data, and practice in the addiction field.
Re LA, see my response to Richard above. Although the weather here mostly sucks, I’m glad to be back.
Have a great year.
Wonderful. Happy New Year everyone.
I cannot wait to read this. My ex husband is a crack addict, and for the many years together I have always heard “addiction is a disease.” It makes me cringe every time i hear it. I think by labeling it as such, it gives the addict a cop out to keep on doing it. “I can’t help it, it is a disease.”
Your first book had me on a roller coaster ride of emotions ranging from anger to anxiety (when you described the high from each drug). I can only imagine this one will be just as well written.
Thanks for this, Justme. That is one of the two or three biggest boomerang effects of the disease model. And I need to remember how damaging it is, because I expect there will be heated debates and controversy coming up….and this is the kind of story that needs to be repeated. I hope things improve for you and him. And I hope the new book will help.