When I said I wanted to move further into the psychology of addiction, I didn’t mean I was about to forget the brain. The subtleties of your thoughts and the cellular activities of your brain might seem like different planets, impossible to gaze at simultaneously. Yet both are going on at exactly the same time in exactly the same place.
Addiction is usually characterized by two psychological states: craving and loss of control. But when we look very closely at the flow of time leading to each occasion of using (or drinking, or whatever it is), there seems to be a blurring of the two. Giving in (loss of control) starts to look like a well-worn path, initiated by craving. Can we reconceptualize the relationship between craving and giving in? So that it makes sense? — at least more sense than the notion of falling through a trap door that was bolted shut? What if craving and surrendering are not two processes but one? Just a single time-line, a building momentum, leading from a state of determined abstinence to a headlong plunge?
Imagine that you can be two different people. That’s not such an absurd idea. It’s been around in psychoanalysis for a century, and even the cognitive science of the last three decades finds it reasonable. Not multiple personalities, but something subtler. The you that screams for vengeance when your favourite player gets tripped from behind and the you that turns off the TV and tucks your kid into bed can easily be seen as two distinct yous. So let’s imagine that the you who anticipates how wonderful it will feel to get high is simply a different you than the one that knows that’s insanely stupid.
Of course this isn’t an original idea in addiction studies. Twelve-step fellowships continue to broadcast warnings that your addiction is waiting to get you, doing 
push-ups in the parking lot, and even the more contemporary cognitive-motivational tactics of SMART Recovery might counsel you to ignore the addict voice — as though it weren’t your own voice at all.
So let’s think about the two yous differently, by aligning the psychology of wanting versus abstaining with two distinct brain states. That’s not difficult. When we 
anticipate getting high with excitement and attraction, the striatum, which is the part of the brain that initiates goal pursuit and powers it with desire, is strongly connected to the orbitofrontal cortex (OFC), a region of the prefrontal cortex on the border of the “limbic system” that encodes the value of things — good things like a friend’s smile and bad things like sour milk. The striatum and OFC are quickly linked (an “orbitostriatal” bond is formed) in anticipation of a valued outcome, and that’s when you become the child, yearning, anticipating, and falling forward into the treasure trove at your feet.
But what happened to self-control? A much smarter part of the brain — called the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex — often oversees the impulses generated by your striatum. The dorsolateral PFC is where judgments are formed by comparing possible outcomes and making conscious decisions. We can call the dorsolateral PFC the “bridge of the ship.” Its job is to steer.
But addiction and other impulsive acts are accompanied by a “loss in functional connectivity” between the orbitostriatal alliance and the bridge of the neural ship. A loss of connectivity simply means that activity (measured by an fMRI brain scan) in one region becomes less correlated with activity in the other region. This disconnect is exactly what is observed in addiction. When pictures of drug paraphernalia are flashed on a screen, addicts show a surge of activity in the orbitostriatal region and reduced activity in the dorsolateral PFC. Some studies show this disconnect to become more severe with the length of the addiction. Other studies show the same disconnect when “normal” people surrender to tempting (but dumb) impulses. The disconnect is real. And when it happens, you become the unfettered, unconstrained child.
Craving is simply desiring what feels attractive, and surrender is the natural order of things when desire is unconstrained.
So you get high, you start drinking, you click on a tried-and-true porn site or you call that forbidden phone number. An hour later you are bored and you know you didn’t get what you wanted. Two hours later the 
regrets pile up like unanswered mail. Three hours later (if it takes that long) the child’s excitement is replaced by self-reproach, recrimination, and perhaps a determined commitment to never do it again. You are no longer thinking or feeling the way you were a short time ago; your values have locked in again. And your brain is no longer functioning the way it was functioning a short time ago. The orbitofrontal cortex (occupied now with something like sour milk) is reconnected with the dorsolateral PFC, its overseer. Because desire is now just a memory, an empty husk. With desire slaked, no matter how unsatisfactorily, your brain changes back again. It’s just the way it works.
Let’s say you’d been abstinent for weeks, maybe months. How could you have done something so stupid? Again?!
The answer is simple: it was a different you.
Informed by unparalleled neuroscientific insight and written with his usual flare, Marc Lewis’s The Biology of Desire effectively refutes the medical view of addiction as a brain disease. A bracing and informative corrective to the muddle that now characterizes public and professional discourse on this topic.” —Gabor Maté, M.D., author of In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters With Addiction
Hi Marc
This just happened to my son – again. Now a loving father of a 12 week old baby girl
and a heroin user who slipped. Two different people. How does he stay in the father
zone. The regret, shame and sorrow are huge. How can he build the father up and
make the user the distant memory?
The new book can’t get here soon enough.
Jen
I wish I had a simple answer, Jen, or any answer at all. There must be hundreds of thousands of people around the planet asking exactly the same question every hour of the day. The search for the answer may lie in two different directions. One would be to concretize the desire to be free, to be happy, so that it flashes on the orbitofrontal screen as readily as other, destructive desires. Build it into a companion that’s with you whenever you turn around. The other would be to learn subtle cognitive tricks to lasso the dorsolateral PFC when it starts to fade out, to get it back in gear, fast. Mantras like “don’t even think about it” can be very helpful. We need to act fast because brain change can be mercurial, almost instantaneous, and that’s a hell of a problem to resolve.
Also, let relapses work for you. Enough recriminations can tarnish any pot of gold.
My friend since the age of 10 died the other day of a heroin overdose at the age of 34. One of the main reasons was he didn’t take recovery dead seriously and kind of just went through the motions. He was the most likeable laid back guy who had no enemies and everyone liked him. You really have to put the work into the recovery for it to work which sounds simple but this is a huge difference between those who make it and those who do not.
I’m so sorry. I had the same problem, I really wanted to get better, did the whole “recovery” and meetings, and counseling, in and out patient but just going through the motions became so boring and I was so stuck, no one that really can understand how to help me move forward. It is so sad because of some of the “professional help” just really does not know either, it’s as if they all memorized the same manual because it is the same things just going in circles. This really puts a persons life in jeopardy when they REALLY do want help. And of course if a person cannot get mentally stable then how can they do anything when everything just seems so hard and pointless because of a persons severely ill mentality and being.
Prayers for you Ania and all of us who
have done the “recovery” but still feel stuck-
I have yet to meet a professional with an answer- so i pray a lot- and have found listening to messages of hope, inspirational movies, and music hep more than anything- however I have had several years of stuck- so I am seeking more answers- I have gotten to the point of isolation just me and my pups- dealing with excruciating pain everyday and pirating for stamina and relief of pain to work the only 2 days I have at this time and make family get togethers- I am no longer seeking or using street drugs- 16 years clean from that – tons ofv alcohol in the house but not a drinker- just stuck- and I am not quite sure why!
Take a look at my comment after Marks hopefully this helps you thanks.
Thank you for that insight. It rings true to the situation. Unfortunately.
I am sorry for your loss. We have lost many of my sons contemporaries
as well. I keep trying to understand and to help where I can. I appreciate
your time and honesty.
Jen
I would hope that a neuroscientist would not forget about the brain
And why are there only two of me. Im a husband, a father, a doctor, and a Smart REcovery facilitator- to name just a few .
And who says the mind or consciousness is in the brain – or only in the skull for that matter .
Do we really want to go there ? LOL
BillA
I never said the mind or consciousness was IN the brain. But let’s see how your consciousness, your mind, is doing after a major stroke. There seems to be a rather critical connection there, don’t you agree?
And you’re right. There are more than two yous. And me’s. I just went to my grumpy me.
I really did want to know if there is a way to diffuse the surrender component of the desire/ surrender equation. Any thoughts would be appreciated from any of the many yous.
Jen
Please see above.
And below!
Hi Jen
That’s an excellent question I wish we all knew the answer to. This is all semantics, but I don’t really think it’s about making the surrender component more diffuse. It’s about balance. Addiction is a life out of balance. I’ve seen it referred to as “hedonic homeostatic dysregulation.” Our lives teeter-totter back and forth once we lose that balance. The trick is figuring out what can bring us back to that balance, what it is for the individual, while the mind and body adjust. Slow down the teeter-totter. Get back to baseline. I think that’s why it’s so hard when people start so young. “How the hell am I supposed to know what my baseline is? My brain’s not even cooked yet!” It takes patience, perseverance, and perspective changing— which all take time.
There are many things that can help: meditation, medication, exercise, therapy, nutrition… but again, you are trying to fix the car as it’s rolling down the road. The only thing I can say is– keep an open mind to options, and never give up. As long as someone is alive and intact, they can get and stay sober.
I so agree with you about balance! In my own “discovery” balance
Has been one of my big goals. I refer to it as being centered. I yearn for a center , calm. Not to not feel but to not feel so intensely. To not generate emotion but to experience it and keep it in perspective. To not be afraid. To know that I don’t need to medicate my experiences away – that I can live through them.
I thank you for your thoughts. They have helped me gather up my own, add some of those here , edit and face the day. Again.
I can only wish my son will find balance too.
Jen
Hey Marc
This is something that I have long learned to embrace – the two states of mind. It is also important in treatment – I often encourage the internal dialogue, but stress that it is both the same person. We often find it difficult to accept the concurrent holding of two seemingly opposing ideas – hence the 12-step notion of higher power. Higher or other self in my terms – the inetrnal-external locus of control!
I’m not sure if you are familiar with Scott Kellogg’s use of chairwork in the treatment of addictions?
http://transformationalchairwork.com/about/about-scott-kellogg/
and also an article on the fix:
http://www.thefix.com/content/integrative-addiction-therapy-harm-reduction-gradualism8528
But I think these me’s you’re referring to are superordinate. All the other ones are underneath and develop from them.
I’ve always thought that my recovery was due to the consolidation, the re-integration of these two selves. The real me, and the subliminal, reactive liar that was the addicted me. It felt like this. Like there was one person at the helm again— or maybe even for the first time. Maybe that other self was still there, but it was an eensy-beensy homunculus compared to the Drugzilla it used to be. And I think the linchpin to this process was honesty. An honesty that hopefully, ultimately led to self-honesty, where I became one person again. A person that could tell my addictoholic midbrain to talk to the hand.
In one of my recovery groups I once asked the question, “What would it take to make you pick up.” The people with some significant sober time all answered with something to the effect of, “I don’t know. It could happen anytime. I could walk out of this room and pick up…But if I did, I’d tell my wife, my buddy, my therapist, my home group…” In other words, they would out themselves. They never would have said that when they first walked in.
That’s why meetings are important. Our own head is a dangerous place. But in a meeting, you are marinating in honesty with people sharing deeply personal things about their lives. And eventually, if you’re resolute in your intention to stop– even if you are struggling and slipping– your perspective changes. You get some objectivity about your addiction, and can maintain the circumstances and supports to start a new life.
Matt, this is a powerful recipe for change. I really like it. Indeed there is a consolidation process, and within it the greedy-child self starts to coalesce with larger hunks of self. And no doubt circuitry forms that links these islands into a peninsula and eventually a continent. It’s true: honesty is a really big deal. I have also found that honesty with others sets out the groundwork for a more consistent self-honesty. Like last year when I had Isabel administer my pain pills so I wouldn’t start hoarding and gulping them. I needed a little help recapturing the honesty habit.
Everything that stays is really just another habit. And there are very good habits to be found in connecting these parts of us and cementing the links that hold them together.
Well, we’re creatures of habit.
The most exciting thing is to see someone reach the inimitable outgrowth of self-honesty— freedom.
Interesting. This speaks to me anecdotally. The need to escape my negative sense of self at the moment, and the environment around me, was a huge factor driving my “cravings” to engage in addictive behaviors. I didn’t want awareness at that moment, and wanted the striatum to take over, even though I would regret it moments later. Addiction was an effective means of escape in the short term, but not sustainable.
Hi Liz
Yes! Absolutely. Addiction was an effective means of escape and coping in the short term, otherwise we wouldn’t have made it a habit, and none of us would be here. I think there’s a positive flip to this, too. When we negotiate change from such a primal, powerful habit, we learn something about ourselves that people who have no experience with addiction will never know— about our inner strength and ability to persevere. About the core nature of who we are.
I wouldn’t recommend it as a method for self-realization, but it happens nonetheless. 🙂
Nice!
Thank you.
I have been in this position when I know i am going to fail/relapse. I talk
myself out of it now but it took a lot of practice. I thought it was just something I did.
I put pictures up of the images that made me want to not drink anymore and I keep
replaying them and I hold on and walk out of the room and busy my hands and all
sorts of little distracting things until the crisis feeling has abated. I did not really join in groups until well after I stopped drinking. Now that I know there is a concrete cause/effect pathway it will hopefully help in recognizing the onset of an issue.
Again, looking forward to the new book.
Jen
Hi Jennifer
It sounds like you have some effective strategies, but it’s practically impossible to do it alone. Especially if you’ve established some kind of relapse pattern. Then your midbrain knows there’ll be a weak moment. “Nobody will know” Except you.
It’s good to get to some meetings, but find meetings that you like. Just like a therapist, you may have to try out a few and give them 2 or 3 tries to make sure. Go with a friend, if possible. It can be a great support, motivator and maybe a reality check or two. Getting out to meetings is stressful, whether positive or negative, and many people slip after going to them early on. It’s good to have someone you trust there with you.
And distracting yourself is key, as well. Especially to break up old patterns. Sometimes simple slogans or acronyms can help as reminders. POD (as in escape pod) Pause (before you get sucked into a strong emotion) Observe (what you’re telling yourself, what you’re feeling) Do something different (than your usual MO)
I know you’ve probably heard or done all this stuff, but a little redundancy never hurt anyone,,,or their recovery. And we all have to look out for each other.
Sometimes you need a jackhammer to break up those concrete pathways 🙂
Great advice, Matt. Your notion of on-line fix-it strategies is particularly useful. You say: “Sometimes simple slogans or acronyms can help as reminders. POD (as in escape pod) Pause (before you get sucked into a strong emotion) Observe (what you’re telling yourself, what you’re feeling) Do something different (than your usual MO).”
That’s what I was trying to get at in my reply to Jen…above… as “subtle cognitive tricks to lasso the dorsolateral PFC.”
It’s really a two-pronged attack. You have to deal with the big picture: the self-deprecation and shame, the way they can lead to a self-punitive agenda, and the habit strength of using, and the inaccessibility of self-love and self-honesty when we’re in that place. And then there are the little things: the tricks.
We humans are quite good at looking a the big picture and keeping track of the details at the same time. That’s why God made the brain with two hemispheres, right?
…and made forests AND trees to miss 🙂
Marc, I felt that this was the appropriate place to link this recent article from Bruce Alexander – http://www.thefix.com/content/Bruce-Alexander-MD-Richard-Juman-Pro-Voices0327
Hey Marc,
Thought I’d posted here, but maybe it bounced back because I had two links in it. This dual voice is very important. Many of us find it very stressful to hold two seemingly opposing views in mind simultaneously. Hence some benefit from the “higher power” concept which I prefer to call the higher self – or the internal external locus of control!
Scott Kellogg uses chairwork in his work with those who have addictive disorders, and I think it often helps reconcile those two selves – I would agree with Matt that reconciliation is important. Here is an article about Scott’s work http://www.thefix.com/content/integrative-addiction-therapy-harm-reduction-gradualism8528
He also has a more academic website which I would recommend.
This is awesome, Shaun! Thanks so much for the link…
You did, Shaun, and it did, but now it’s fixed. Sorry about that. In any case, we’ve now got two versions of your comment, which is just fine with me. No, I wasn’t aware of Kellogg’s two-chair approach. Sounds great. I’ll take a look. In one of my therapeutic sojourns I tried the Gestalt two-chairs approach, and I found it very powerful. It’s how I actually discovered some internal voices that had been whispering to me — without ever exposing themselves — for years. Little did I know they’d really been shouting for most of that time. But the room inside was sound-proofed.
I also love your reconciliation of the higher power idea with that of a higher (more integrative) self. Along the lines that Matt writes about…above.
One of my favourite quotes: “”Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes.” – Walt Whitman
Hi Marc, this is so fascinating! Looking at it as “the 2 you’s” because this is so true! But the problem is how to get, either back to the old you (being in control and at peace with one’s self) or find your other better half; the logical, rational, having self control and self-restraint (not meaning to repress and/or suppress). A person being able to gain that self-restraint in order to direct one’s life/energies in the positive direction, which results in strengthening one’s self (mentality) and having control and peace of mind without the cravings, wants, and desires we create, which bring us down in reality. I believe learning/relearning this way would also be know as neuroplasticity??? But what if the problem also becomes biological? Now a person needs to go deeper in order to “repair” the damage that has been caused by the drugs, resulting in chemical imbalances and/or decreased brain function, so what to do besides psychiatric medications? (Just from personal experience, supplementing, eating clean, and physical exercise to build up that mental strength has worked so well). I believe one can achieve this peace of mind, a.k.a a higher level of consciousness, then technically a person transcends into the “better” version of themselves? But for some reason many people struggle and want to but cannot. I’ve had several M.D’s of addiction psychiatry laugh at me when I asked to explain what is going on in my body and how can I maintain this through something such as nutrition and what the body really needs in order to become mentally stable. Another thing, for example, in AA/NA and/or rehab (just from what I have experienced, seen, and seen people I know go through) is that we do not focus on building resilience, over all well-being, and/or prevention. Is this because it does not fit the acute treatment model of diagnosis in the medical field??? If you look at the 12 steps, they are a guide in order to build the strength one needs. “Your higher power was drugs and now giving your life over to God”. God being a metaphor for the “higher” consciousness and if we want to achieve this we have to drop our egos. But many people do not or never really understand this. I know for a decade I did not understand when I was attending meetings. I just felt content because of being around other people with the same/worse problems but constantly “stuck”. I’ve seen many just believe becoming religious will help them. But should we really focus on things that will “help” us??? Or should we focus on understanding our “problems” and then doing in order to transform and transcend ourselves in order to achieve a “higher” state of being? It does all come down to spirituality (the foundation; just believing and having faith that there is something better and bigger than us, so we learn and move forward). I’m NOT implying I’m right/know better, it’s just what I have learned, experienced, and understand so far. Studying the science and recently the ancient sciences and philosophies of the East and how this compliments each other so well. Does this make sense ? Marc, I’m just very curious what you think??? Thanks:) sorry for the lengthy post.
Hi Ania,
It does make sense — I mean a lot of it seems very astute, and there’s nothing that strikes me as just plain wrong. Except, maybe, your suggestion that drugs are the source of biological “damage” that might need to be repaired. From my perspective, everything is biological, from the moment we are conceived, and “damage” is caused by trauma, neglect, depression and so forth much more easily than by drugs. One rape does more damage to a nervous system than a thousand hits of heroin. And then, indeed, a kind of repair is necessary.
But otherwise, I think you’ve hit many important points. Yes, some people seem to be able to resolve their spiritual and neural difficulties more easily than others, and those who can’t might end up taking comfort from the thought that other people have it worse. For some people, consciousness is just a 13-letter word. We all need some direction as to how to think in terms of “improving” or clarifying what consciousness we have.
I can’t really reply to your comment, because there’s just too much here. I agree with you that resilience is one of the most important “skills” or qualities one can possibly develop, but it’s hard to find a concrete model for resilience or a recipe for improving it.
Oh wow. Oh no, you have replied with much information. I am not looking for an “answer”. Maybe if it was a question relating to science, something that can be measured and proven but Thank you:) You being who you are I am just looking towards hearing your side and your thoughts, views, opinions due to you being a neuroscientist/psychologist. From hearing your side, just like now and from all your posts I have just learned a lot, which gives me more direction and understanding when I continue reading and learning about all these things to keep deepening my understanding in order to do and constantly curious for more, I’m a huge nerd, haha. And, yes, I absolutely agree with you that biological damage begins with neglect, physical/emotional/verbal/mental abuse, being raised and around a dysfunctional environment, which is exactly how I was raised. But you know what, even as a child that did not understand why there is so much anger in this house and always being “blamed” and/or yelled at rather then being taught. I was neglected due to my parents working and I would come home from school, watch t.v and eat. Eating junk food all the time because it just felt good. I wanted to play sports and do after school activities like the other girls were doing BUT because I was overweight I was terrified of the thought of having to wear the smaller fitted clothing and because I was not in shape. I got tired quickly and was not strong. I was aware of being “different”, but why was I? So I have just recently learned that obviously eating was something I did due to not knowing anything else and maybe “depressed” because no one was around to teach me. I was also a very quiet child and very, very shy around people, it was almost nerve wrecking when I was around a lot of people or at a friends house with their family around. But if I did something wrong I was just yelled at and told “just do it…you don’t know, then learn” or when trying to explain that I do want to but as a child could not articulate this and just hearing “you don’t want to”. But I always knew and believed that there is better and bigger and it will come, and this is what kept me going. Also always being around friends that were happy, positive, and fun to be around. I knew nothing is wrong with me but I’m always being dumped on because of my miserable parents, and the truth has shown and it is that THEY did not know how nor did they want to learn how to properly raise a child, no understanding what so ever. And then at 19 got involved with a guy, right as I was beginning my life and fueled with motivation but still clueless and naïve and one year later began experimenting with drugs because now I felt “stuck” and began feeling depressed, but I did not understand why. I lost that motivation/pure bliss state of mind that I had gained at the age of 18 while finally beginning to learn/ understanding–>doing–>positive result–>getting very curious and learning more, with more positive results following about diet/nutrition in order to not starve/deprive myself due to being overweight and always “dieting”. Which really had an AMAZING effect on my mental state. So fascinating how everything comes together! and the entire time on drugs this was the mental state of being I was chasing but year after year I felt that much more hopeless that I will never feel “normal” like that. Did I just totally go off topic? I am just so fascinated by this all, so that can be an example of “the 2 yous”?
Also, how about Tantra? (nothing to do with sex) a form of meditation and “techniques” for deep understanding and uniting. A dialogue between Shiva and Shakti and in yogic terms (I am attending school and studying yoga at a top school in the Midwest rather than going on with pre meds and not having time to really learn about myself), activating Kundalini energy which is piercing of the 7 chakras. It is supposed to be Shakti (in the form of kundalini) uniting with Shiva at the crown of the head. The male and female in each of us uniting (according to ancient sciences the body is half female half male). The emotional side and the logical side. Or in modern “scientific terms” uniting the 2 hemispheres of the brain? (The 2 yous) In order to gain the full consciousness BUT at the same time learning about those emotions. Such as with females like me for example, learning to understand my emotions and feelings of intuition and that “gut feeling”. But also being logical, rational, critical, and using good judgment through learning that much more about the human body and brain (using modern science) but using ancient sciences to fill in the gaps of the “spiritual/ conscious/healthy mind”. Rather than allowing these emotions to impair my logical, rational thinking or “mind”, such as what trauma and stress do to a person. Now while doing this and trying to understand, “meditating” on it but in order to experience and this is how I learn and keep progressing and changing all the time, just being able to be. Ok anyway, there is just so much and I’m getting to into it now. Does this make any sense in the world of modern science? I’m very curious on what you’d have to say. No rush, sorry for the long post..Thank you=)
Hi Ania, I’m sorry but I can hardly find time to read such a long post, let alone reply to it. Perhaps other readers with more time on their hands can reply to you. But I honestly think that more concise comments will attract more readers. So you might want to cut the length way down to get more interaction going.
In a nutshell, I spent many years examining the East-meets-West interface. I loved it and still do. I even went to India and learned to play sitar, which I continued playing for over 20 years. But alas, time is always the challenge — so lately I just do my own meditation when I can, yoga when I can squeeze it in, and I mostly read stuff that’s firmly rooted in the Western modes of thought.
By the way, in scanning your post, I did notice your interest in the two sides of the brain. Then you simply must read Sam Harris’s latest: Waking up — he does a great job of talking about consciousness in relation to the two hemispheres’ unique modes of thought — none of which actually constitute a self, though that’s what we continue to imagine.
Sorry, I get carried away:) I absolutely understand:)
I definitely will check out Sam Harris’s work, thank you so much!
Hi Marc…Very interesting concepts of the self. I do believe the complexity of the self is one that is critical in order for change to happen. I mean what would it be that I was in conflict with if I wasn’t able to differentiate between the “me” and the voice in my head? It is because of the ability to separate that I can address the internal dilemma thus gaining the power to change. I frequently ask my current clients, who use tobacco products, and seeking change “what would you suggest or tell yourself if your walked into the room asking help to quit smoking”?
Who is the person behind the thought when I “think” using is an option? In many regards, for me, “thought” is both the solution and/or the problem. In fact “belief” can be a thief! Long before I developed a “drinking problem” I developed a “thinking problem” about drinking. Unless and/or untill I was able to change my “thinking” I would succumb over and over again. however, once I became sick and tired of being sick and tired I was then willing and able to change. The “Thought” of using, for me, was always much more glomourous and exciting than actual using.
Hi Gary
Yes, that delicious anticipation always held a lot more promise than my using did. I think the idea of trying to notice or differentiate the voices of the “selves” is a good one, cuz you can’t change something if you can’t recognize it. That’s why mindfulness and meditation can be so helpful in developing an awareness of ego processes. Different approaches call it different things. The “observing ego” or “impartial observer” or “witness self.” I try not to think about it too much, or my convoluted musing goes to: “Then who the f*** is minding the store?”
A person in a group I facilitate uses a mindfulness bell on his phone that goes off at random intervals throughout the day. It can catch him unawares when he is lost in irrational rumination, “stinkin’thinkin'”, projection, or the “default mode network” Marc has described. The bell goes off and immediately brings him back to the present moment. Like the thwack in the back a monk might receive in a zendo. We have to figure out what works for us, but whatever it is, it sure takes a lot of practice!
Hi Matt…
In my opinion, mindfulness is a critical component of being able to recognize what appears to be the process of duality. Similiar to a coin, it has two sides or heads vs tails, people are much the same in that we have the external and internal. In order to “see myself” from the internal side, I have to close my eyes which is a more sensory feeling process though there could also be an image. The trick is quieting the mind in order to access the “higher-self” and allowing the authentic self be known. Perhaps this is what is deemed to be a “spiritual awakening” or “Zen Moment” etc…, I think that we create walls and/or perhaps multiple selves in order to protect us from the truth of our addictions which is part of denial. Layer upon layer defense mechanisms distorting the higher self making it harder to see clearly the dilemma caused by protecting and actually hiding from the self. Yet we may become so “self-centered” and maybe “unique” that we cannot trust enough to come out of hiding. Though addiction may be a process and not and event “recovery” and/or recognition, in my opinion, can most certainly be an event!~
Hey Gary
Could you say more about that? About how recovery is an event? It’s interesting to me because I’ve heard many people say the same thing. I think the recognition, the Zen moment, the moment of clarity are events. But I think of recovery as the same kind of process as addiction— except in the opposite direction. Recovery is becoming more aware and open and expansive, as opposed to becoming smaller, closed-off, narrow-minded, isolated and focused only on the addiction.
I agree we definitely layer different selves on top of one another to defend the addiction. And the process of recovery is learning how to effectively peel back those layers as we get better and better, and get to our true self…
Hi Matt…
By no means am I an expert in terms of “recovery”, however, I can share more of my thoughts on the topic. One thing that dawned on me was that perhaps the term “recovery” wasn’t quite right or at least didn’t fit with my perception. “Discovery” seemed more fitting seeing that i was able to “discover”, for the first time, that I could actually change. This was a moment of clarity for me and instantaneously embraced my whole being because it made sense. I mean how in the world could I “recover” that which I never had? I’ve since had many moments of discovery which come because I am more open and/or accepting and trusting of the infinite possibilities of this higher self. Peeling back the layers of protection allows for the flowering of that which makes of most human to manifest itself into our lives. Moments of clarity builds trust and perhaps trust can incite moments of clarity.
Not sure if this helps your inquiry or not. Sometimes the most simpliest of things can be the hardest to explain.
They are the hardest to explain because the experiential component is so important and can be different of everyone. I agree with you that “recovery” is the wrong word. We’re not returning to some previous state. We’re navigating and negotiating change to a different level. It is more the journey of discovery you portray.
Hi Matt…
For me it hasn’t been so much a journey or prehaps a negotiating thing. It’s kind of like a sudden and/or spontaneous rupture of insight that seems to happen when I’m fully here and attentive to the moment. Unlike a natural process or journey, in order to broaden my awareness, I’ve actually have had to stop, and embrace the here and now. You’re right the experience is different for everyone, yet, we all access that one human consciousness.
Confusion tends to emerge whenever I try to determine who “I” am, as it is in the not knowing that the known reveals it true self. I’m not confident that the mind itself can acurately know who I am though it seems that is all I have to rely on.
The knowledge of what I have learned can be a filtering litter the mind and perhaps impeding clarity. Its as though I have to empty the mind in order to allow this higher awareness to flow. Scientifically, what is most real is beyond measure.
However, an inaccurate perception causes a great deal of problems, pain, bad coping skills and/or addictions. I tend to see the world the way I am and not the way the world actually is.
Hi Gary
I get the feeling that we’re both trying to explain the same thing, just with different metaphorical and descriptive language. Suffice it to say the experience is ineffable, multifaceted and profound, yet so simple the juxtaposition of the description of the experience with the experience itself is pretty much impossible. There aren’t any words for it.
And if you understand what I just wrote, you probably can’t describe it. 🙂 I sure can’t!– the limitations of language and experience. Language is just too linear. And “recovery” is not.
Yup! 😀
Wow, that is so interesting, because it really is a discovery. A persons discovery of their abilities from looking inside rather than to the outside world, superficial/materialistic. We do not need to look far because it is us. This is so fascinating, being able to see your true self without having/letting the outside world control you and being a slave to your mind/body. Consistent learning, understanding, and of course going through trial and error, which one can look at it as “I can’t do this, this is too hard” because of being corrupted by the superficial or look at the error/mistakes as an opportunity to learn and grow and see how far you can go. Learning new ways of life, behavior, and just being is truly fascinating. In my opinion, I honestly do think that if a person incorporates some types of Eastern philosophy/ ancient Eastern sciences pertaining to the mind, body, and spirit such as Ayurveda, Tantra, Buddhism, and Yoga. This can be of EXTREME help when combined with the Western sciences, which are amazing. Did/Does anyone do this???? Just curious. But why has yoga turned into just a “physical fitness activity”, in today’s culture and society? That is just a part of yoga, the 3rd limb. It is to strengthen one’s mentality in order to grow.I’ve even met a few M.Ds of psychiatry that encourage their patients to do yoga and meditation BUT just looking at it as a physical activity to reduce stress and meditation means just focusing on happy thoughts and creating a blank mind. Believing they know best. Egoistical, superficial, and narcissistic??? No wonder people can be so lost. It is sad. But why has this goal (being the best version of ourselves, transforming to our “other” self) become more and more difficult to attain??? People almost “sleep walking” through life. Is it because mainstream media has brainwashed us to thinking that we will find satisfaction outside ourselves with “things” and now we just want and desire because we do what we have been “told” but no results. Is health care (not all) leading us in the wrong direction??? The one size fits all method?? This is an interesting quote by an M.D from the book “Dhanwantari: A complete guide to the Ayurvedic life” by a scholar Harish Johari (and has collaborated with many M.Ds of Western medicine)… “The secret to health is not something mystical or esoteric. The secret is learning and understanding how to deal with one’s body. We need to understand our psychophysical limitations and stop living in our fantasies and chasing desires, which are products of unrestricted, untrained, and uncultured minds.” – Dr. Michael Gerber. Just found this very interesting.
Hi Ania…
Your comments are insightful and challenge one to think and/or perhaps discover various methods that may enhance both mental and physical health.
I think that by thinking that we know who we are or who we ought to be may be a mistake and is probably determined by our conditioned mind. Embracing the fact that I don’t know who I am, for me, is the best place to start and not forcing any need to know in terms of perimeters.
Another conditioned part of the brain is thinking that there is a method or way to know the self. Jiddu Krishnamurti, a once well known “world speaker” both quoted and wrote a book titled “Freedom From The Known”. For me unless and/or until we can absolutely clear the mind from all the clutter from the past it will be a fruitless task. Seeing that “change” is an inside job if we don’t clear the clutter and/or the conditioned mind we tend to repeat the same old things. Clearing the mind makes room for a soil that is clear and insightful.
Jiddu Krishnamurti makes the statement that the “Observer” and the “Observed” are “One” and the same. We need to examine our own psyches’ and as Jiddu Krishnamurti said… “Be A Light Unto Yourself”!~
I absolutely agree with you. How can we really “know” who we are? Or anything for that matter. Being an “observer” and dropping the ego, yes, yes I most definitely agree. The person “I am” today will change by next week, next month, and next year. As long as you are “open” to learning and growing and never let your ego get in the way, thinking that you “know” better; ignorance. As you say “clearing the clutter”, this would be our “distorted” self, also as Patanjali describes in the yoga sutras. And an inside job because the entire world is based on our thoughts and mental attitude, it is our own projection. “Bondage or liberation are in your own mind”. Examine our own psyches by turning inward rather than outward; constantly focusing on everything and everyone else EXCEPT ourselves. Get curious! and have the want to learn and always be curious. I absolutely agree and am so fascinated by this. And J. Krishnamurti is fascinating, just began reading his work a couple months ago. Are you familiar with Osho’s work? So is this how you were able to get your life together? I recall in a recent post about AA meetings and you mentioned how you just became your own “authority”. I thought it was interesting:) I think I’m getting off topic now, sorry:)
HI Gary. I read Krishnamurti fervently when I was in my twenties. Eventually, I just found him a bit too severe. Everything he said was enlightening to me. But how to change oneself? …his method seemed like a very strict form of Zen meditation….and I came to prefer a lighter touch, embracing self-acceptance. Or, in a phrase, yes, there’s a lot of clutter here. Enough for me to sit back and just smile…at how silly it all is….and to accept that this is how the mind works…or at least this is how my mind works.
A recent book that I quite liked is Sam Harris’s latest book, Waking Up. Check it out!
Have been in the company of the two selves for years.
What about work on the anti craving stable
Of meds? Things like naltrexone Wonder if
the clinical researchers are really prioritizing
that work in an effort to biologically weaken the user self. Thanks so much for your site
and your incredible, thoughtful insights!
Thanks, Lyssa. Yes, drugs like naltrexone are certainly being explored and very often prescribed by conventional rehab/treatment centers. The trouble is that they don’t really weaken the user self, they just take away her or his access to escape, relief, or pleasure. Sometimes that’s too painful, and so people stop taking their naltrexone. I think we can converse with the user self, and the friendlier and more sympathetic the conversation, the easier it will be for the two (or more) selves to begin to knit together.
Just a thought…
The more I contemplate the idea of the “Two Yous” the more I believe this idea may be perhaps just illusions of the mind. In fact, I’m starting to think that maybe I am “Self” less and that there is no “Self” except my projected image. Much the same as if you were to take a glass of water from the ocean, does the ocean water, contained in the glass, now have a separate entity? Division in and of itself may be cause for conflict and confusion. In meditation, from what I gather, you can possibly enter a realm where you are connected to everything, one life, one love. We can study the atom, become a scientist, and learn so much about the vastness of space yet we neglect to learn about what it means to be human. I’ve said it in a prior post that we are chasing illusions that may cost us our humanity. Money, for many, has become an obsession at any cost. Perhaps we’ve delved into the abyss of addictions as coping mechanisms in order to get by in the world we are living in. Whatever the reasons this can be cause for split personalities, trauma, grief, depression, paranoia, anxiety etc…I don’t know who said “Who We Are Looking For Is He Who Is Looking” but that kind of sums it up, for me!~
Hi Gary. I think you’ve summarized most of the important messages from Buddhism (and maybe even Hinduism) over the last three to six thousand years. The notion of trying so hard to find that person who is right here, doing the trying, is one that has often touched me with its power, irony, wisdom.
But right here on this webpage (from this lovely family of thinkers and feelers) we’ve staked out the two ends of that crazy dimension stretching from multiple selves to zero selves.. William Abbott, somewhere above, said Why stop at two?…there are so many! And you say: when you look a bit more closely, there are none at all.
We sometimes talk about mindfulness/meditation (MM) as a help for overcoming addiction because it boosts our cognitive clarity, power, unifies our perspective, etc. And allows us to find and return to some peaceful place that can actually be reached, as though our mental/spiritual GPS finally latched on to our location, and now we can steer home. Well and good. On the other hand (four other hands, maybe six? I think Kali had eight or ten….but who’s counting?) you remind us that there is another way in which MM can help, and that is by granting us the recollection that we ourselves are inventions (we learned to perceive this body and mind as belonging to a “me”). And in that way our emotions, including pain, loneliness, and craving, are also illusory.
In a way. Not that they don’t hurt: they do…..but they are…a matter of looking at and feeling the world with a certain set of assumptions, which we came by honestly, to be sure… That is, they are not “solid” and “real” in some independent sense. Sometimes that perspective allows us incredible freedom.
Hi Marc…
I guess in some ways pain is a devine gift given that relief is it’s opposite. We live in a world of opposites such as; hot vs cold, front vs back, rich vs poor, light vs darkness, life vs death, prison vs freedom etc… How could we ever appreciate or perhaps know truely what love is without its opposite. Yet we oppose that which is seen as negative and without it we couldn’t know the otherness of the other. It would be like a one-sided coin, not possible, as a coin has two sides. In other words, we want only the parts of life that feel good and run away or escape by various means from the negative. Life is systematic in that every piece or part if as important regardless of how we perceive it. Trying to escape, by means of drugs, alcohol, gambling, food, sex, etc…is a way of saying I cannot accept the wholeness of life and want immediate gratification whenever I want it.
There is something about “overcoming” a hangover or a night of partying heavy as though you have slayed a dragon. I mean I remember, for me, when things were good I was bad and when things were bad I was good, I know it may sound weird but this is a fact. Sometimes a person isn’t aware that they behave negatively in order to get attention which reinforces the negative behaviour. However, I do think “Opposites” play a significant role at the root of our lives and are equally as important be it negative or positive they are just opposite sides of the same coin. You cannot have one without the other.
Awesome! All of this. This blog, it’s contributors. Thank you all for this, and particularly Dr. Lewis.
I am not here responding to any post. I just wanted to find a way to thank Dr. Lewis for the “Memoirs” book. It was provided to me by my addictions doctor here in Toronto – along with a half dozen other texts on recovery and brain health.
I have been a crack addict for 25 years, have tried many methods to stop, reduce or definitively surrender to crack. All of which have not resulted in any sustained self contentment.
Understanding the science behind addiction has bee tremendously helpful to me. Dr. Lewis’ book has made this understanding so easy and accessible to me – a layman in this area.
So I found myself searching for a way to communicate to Dr. Lewis and I traverse with this blog, which seems to me to be a discovery of a little treasure.
Thank you all.
Hi Sanjay. Yes, this blog is a treasure. A rare phenomenon which can be filling, fulfilling, wise, compassionate…..something very special has grown here.
Message received, and you’re very welcome. I find it heartening to know that modeling addiction objectively, viz a viz the brain and body, helps you and some others to get to know your addiction in a different way, maybe talk to yourself about it in a different way. Maybe just understanding in itself is the key. Maybe understanding is the first step, or the biggest step, toward self-forgiveness.
Thanks for the message. Seriously. And stay tuned for the next book, to be released in about 2-3 months. More science, but it’s also more simplified science, more focused, extending into a model that is more coherent (even though no doubt at least partly wrong) and it’s fused with the real lives of real people — people who I’ve come to know and grow fond of….people who happen to not be me.
This is a deep concept in which people can understand how our brain is so powerful. The “Two Yous” are always present when we are faced with choices and that is every day. This post made an eye-opening for me to better understand why I feel so guilty when I fell short into a wrong doing. For me, addiction was just the result of too much yielding (as the substance abused slowly destroys the brain function and can’t decide well.) Addiction, with the help of rehabilitation service can be stopped (and must not be tolerated) as many lives were destroyed and people’s self-worth diminished.
Well, if you say that addiction can’t be tolerated, it sounds like you’re saying that the wayward child must be stopped, punished, locked up, or something. But maybe another approach would be to give that child some warmth and some satisfaction, but take its hand when it’s about to touch a hot stove.
I think the complexity of the brain creates the “Two Yous” as an object to myself. In order to give order and perhaps justification to the fact when I’m talking to myself as though there were two of me. It is as though there is the “me’ and then the “monitoring-me” making sure that everything is okay. We can create layer upon layers especially where depression is concerned. I feel bad then I feel bad that I’m feeling badly etc…then we may go into hiding and even hide from ourselves. Removing the layers and coming out of hiding perhaps we discover a new self or a more authentic self. It is important to “Clean The Slate” and clear the mind starting afresh with a deep breathe knowing that a new day and a new way has dawned ~!
Yes, Gary, the brain is built for duality, in the form of self-reflection. Every impulse, once it is felt, is immediately available as an object of reflection. Every impulse, by the time we’re aware of it, is in the past. So the brain says, Hmmm…what was that?…..was that okay.?..no probably not….shameful in fact… And then that evaluation, having been made a moment ago, becomes the object of the next moment of reflection.
Put all these moments together and what grows out of them is a reflective or evaluative self — pretty much the product of the left PFC. It’s simply the condensation and self-structuring of all those moments But impulses keep happening…they just keep happening. So the impulsive you is always there first, out in front.
But good luck “cleaning the slate”! I’m not even sure it’s possible. Maybe it would be enough to just watch this iterative process as it continues to churn itself out…watch it, recognize it, smile about it, and forgive it.
I think, in terms of cleaning the slate” is in fact a sense of “forgiveness” of the past be it just a moment ago. Holding on is problematic and dosen’t allow for the newness of a new day or perhaps the freshness of a new moment. If we can empty the mind, however, not by force, but by allowing to be what is in all of its fullness then and only then will it disipate. It was similiar for me when I was jogging and all of a sudden these thoughts came in my mind, “You’re probably not breathing right, “you’re to slow or to fast, you’re getting tired etc… Or another example is many of my current clients trying to quit smoking only think about how hard it is to quit and think only about withdrawal. I ask them “What if you didn’t mind withdrawal”? what the would happen to it? So! the “Clean Slate” is allowing the mind to clear itself naturally, without force. Many times we have been there where we were just being sitting without thought!~
And you probably tell yourself to STOP thinking those thoughts and just run….but does that work?
I see what you mean, Gary. Okay, I’m on board if you’re going at this “without force.” I too have used exercises or whatever to try to shift around or even to still the evaluative voice in a client. The trouble is that it’s so easy to fall into a pattern of evaluating the evaluation, etc, etc. For me it used to sound like: ah, there you are evaluating everything again. Can’t you just let it go? –not very helpful. Or in your example: Ok, let’s say I don’t mind withdrawal…but shit, I really do…who am I kidding? The problem is that each of these voices has an emotional tone, an agenda…it’s not just an evaluation: there’s more to it.
But if you PERMIT the evaluative voice, then you can get a self-perpetuating backward forgiveness chain… As in: hmm, I’m being mean to myself, calling myself a shit, again…Okay, that’s understandable….after all, I’m not perfect. Or, here I am, telling myself that I’m not allowed to criticize myself…but I’m critiquing the critique… So, let it be: yeah, I’m being critical…So what?…smile…next? So next you can be critical without being critical of the criticism, and next you might not even feel critical….a rollback of forgiveness, if you will.
I think these are not mutually exclusive strategies. I think there’s room for both.
It’s not what “Is” but what I think about what is that nourishes my mind with bliss or miss. However, if it weren’t for thinking, change wouldn’t come about. Seeing that change is an inside job and perhaps I’m sick and Tired of being sick and tired even though I mind withdrawal I mind even more the “hell” that I am in. If I determine, for myself, that the pain is far to great it may make the thought of withdrawal a far better choice seeing that it doesn’t last forever. Much like the thought of using, for me, was usually far more exciting than using with its consequences, perhaps the thought of stopping is harder than the reality. I know many people who just “THINK” continuously about change, for years, and then perhaps one day they just do it. For many smokers who quit it has been largely due to the price and “Hard-Core” smokers have stopped abrutly Cold – Turkey never to smoke again. They didn’t do too much thinking they acted instead.!~
Really great to stumble on this blog! I am working with people with addictions and have battled food addiction for most of my life. I have not read all the comments yet, but something that I have recognised is the ‘two mes’. I have identified the abandonment of myself which ‘allows’ the food abuse. In Portugal disconnect has been identified as a major issue with addiction (mostly around drug/alcohol addiction) and this led me to think about disconnecting from the self. I think this fits well with what has been talked about… When I abandon myself (because I don’t like what I think, feel, know, do or am) the reckless me takes over and harms me. So based on the initial comments, I am thinking I am going to mess up my pattern by changing what I do and what I think when I over eat, or want to overeat. It is a message, this urge is telling me I am abandoning myself for whatever reason. It is so fast and so entrenched I am feeding my face before I am conciously aware. Not anymore, as I said I will mess up my pattern by embracing the abandonment. Then by forgiving myself for abandoning myself. Then learn as much as I can about abandonment (and attachment stuff that goes with it, because we first learn about abandonment as children – well usually!).
Also a useful resource – Resource Therapy – http://www.resourcetherapy.com/
Pretty well covers the different parts of ourselves stuff.
Thanks for the blog 🙂
“Yet both are going on at exactly the same time in exactly the same place.”
Are you sure though? Have you heard of the reseach that has shown slime molds exhibiting signs of intelligence even though they don’t even have a brain?
http://www.nature.com/news/how-brainless-slime-molds-redefine-intelligence-1.11811